I often forget and am sometimes reminded (rather harshly) of how lonely of a person I inherently am. Not in a 'pray for me, help me find friends, wah-wah' kind of way but just in my nature I am always going to be a little lonely. I enjoy my own company and oftentimes prefer it, I have since I was young. And I have loved ones and friends but I don't see it in my reality of ever showing my whole self to someone. There are so many parts of myself that will never see the light of day and I enjoy it that way, it works for me. But in that, I often find myself having to isolate or hide from others so I can feel comfortable expressing my truest deepest self. 

    When I was a little girl, I was very self-critical. My mother has always told me that she could never punish me more than I would myself. Starting at the age of either four or five, when I found myself guilty of something bad, I would strip all of my blankets and pillows off of my bed and force myself to sleep on a bare mattress to pay for my crimes. I didn't tell anyone I did this, but I shared a room with my sister and even though I would only do it once I thought she was asleep, she saw and told my family. Even at that young of an age, I thought it best to take on my problems on my own. I've always hidden parts of me away. 

    I don't really know where I was going with this but I thought it was important to get out.