I notice, that even as I'm sitting here with no one reading this blog besides me, I am still worried about what others will think of it. I imagine years from now when I am famous from starting out as a blogger, dedicated fans of mine will look at my very first posts and talk about how I posted twice within one hour of me creating the blog. 

    That's so stupid. 

    Why should that possibly be a worry of mine? Why censor myself for things that don't exist? Why care about these imaginary people's imaginary thoughts? I'm not crazy and convinced that posting on a site with 0 followers will get me anywhere. This blog is for me. I am not writing this in hopes of people seeing it. I am not writing this with a goal in mind. I will write what pleases me and post as often as I want. No matter how much anxiety I have about the feelings of others, the others don't exist in this equation so they cannot win. I don't know why this is starting to sound like an encouraging monologue I give to my men in battle before I send them off to fight in Burgundy. But I am getting very tired of always thinking about the improbable and unforeseeable future consequences of my actions. 

    Anyway, I upped my Zoloft dosage so maybe that will help. 

-syd